I am so livid right now. Both our parents are being completely annoying. To understand, you need to know a little bit about Indian - Bengali, in particular - weddings.
So for Bengali Hindu weddings, it's customary to have the actual wedding one day, then chill the next day (doing what? why? where?), and then the next day having this thing called Bou Bhaath. This last thing is for a "welcoming the bride into the groom's family" party. Don't even GET me started on that stuff (where is the "welcoming of the groom into the bride's family" shindig, eh?) but either way, it is always traditionally done two days after the wedding.
Well, we had a death in our family a few years ago with a relative that my dad was fairly close to... their family had done a lot for my dad's family many moons ago, so the passing was hard for my dad. Anyway, so this is relevant because the anniversary of this relative's passing is on the Bou Bhaath day. I, being completely unfamiliar with how Indian weddings go, just picked the wedding date for whatever day I wanted and thought nothing more of it. Originally, I had picked that day, the very day of that relative's passing. So my dad told me about how that day wasn't good because a lot of people wouldn't attend the wedding because of sadness, whatever. So I changed it to two days prior, having no idea that now the Bou Bhaath was on this day. My ignorance has cost me my peace.
Fast forward to last night. My dad called me in a tizzy.
"They are being very insensitive!"
"What are you talking about, Baba?"
"We told them when the wedding is going to be, I've been on the phone night after night for hours on end trying to book venues and finally got a place.. put down a deposit and now Groom's dad is telling me to change the date because they have to have the Bou Bhaath on the date that DeadRelative died."
"Oh."
"I told him the situation, and he said 'it's been a while anyway'... what?!? How insensitive can you be? It's barely been a few years! And who is he to tell me how to cope with my feelings? As soon as I suggested another date, I heard Groom's mother in the background screaming about how it can't be another date due to tradition... I had a little anger in my voice, and said 'Ok, do what you need to do.' But I'm telling you this, not him, I may not show up because I have to give respect to DeadRelative. His family did so much for us and I can't turn my back..."
"Ok..."
"He told me to change the date. Like that is so easy to do. I told him that I'd been looking for a long time, at many different venues but they were all booked. He kept asking to look again. I'm the one planning everything, I'm the one paying for everything and he can't be flexible on this one thing? It's already costing $10K. I'm trying to stay out of conflict as much as possible though... if they want to do it on that date, well it'll be fine, but your/our side of the family probably will be sparse."
"Oh, ok... well did you ask if they could change the date to the following day or maybe three days after?"
"Yes, like I said before... Day after wedding is unacceptable to Groom's mom because it's not tradition. She started getting very excited in the background and talking loudly. Two days after is unacceptable because people are flying in from all over the country and they can't stay 'that many days after'. Just one more day? Seriously? And have they already bought their train/plane tickets? This early in advance? I doubt it. But I didn't want to go into contention and ask, so I didn't say anything."
It went on and on like that. I've never seen my dad so worked up about something that wasn't geared towards me and my numerous offences... it was weird. I felt like he was yelling at me, though I know he was not.
Anyway, as I was talking, Groom's phone started buzzing and I intuitively knew it was Groom's parents. I tried to get Groom's attention, but he was otherwise occupied, doing dudely things like watching TV, playing video games, etc. He couldn't hear me.
I finally got off the phone with my parents and told Groom about all the drama. He agreed that his parents were being inflexible and would call them the following morning (today.)
Fell asleep with a headache and a stomach ache.
So for Bengali Hindu weddings, it's customary to have the actual wedding one day, then chill the next day (doing what? why? where?), and then the next day having this thing called Bou Bhaath. This last thing is for a "welcoming the bride into the groom's family" party. Don't even GET me started on that stuff (where is the "welcoming of the groom into the bride's family" shindig, eh?) but either way, it is always traditionally done two days after the wedding.
Well, we had a death in our family a few years ago with a relative that my dad was fairly close to... their family had done a lot for my dad's family many moons ago, so the passing was hard for my dad. Anyway, so this is relevant because the anniversary of this relative's passing is on the Bou Bhaath day. I, being completely unfamiliar with how Indian weddings go, just picked the wedding date for whatever day I wanted and thought nothing more of it. Originally, I had picked that day, the very day of that relative's passing. So my dad told me about how that day wasn't good because a lot of people wouldn't attend the wedding because of sadness, whatever. So I changed it to two days prior, having no idea that now the Bou Bhaath was on this day. My ignorance has cost me my peace.
Fast forward to last night. My dad called me in a tizzy.
"They are being very insensitive!"
"What are you talking about, Baba?"
"We told them when the wedding is going to be, I've been on the phone night after night for hours on end trying to book venues and finally got a place.. put down a deposit and now Groom's dad is telling me to change the date because they have to have the Bou Bhaath on the date that DeadRelative died."
"Oh."
"I told him the situation, and he said 'it's been a while anyway'... what?!? How insensitive can you be? It's barely been a few years! And who is he to tell me how to cope with my feelings? As soon as I suggested another date, I heard Groom's mother in the background screaming about how it can't be another date due to tradition... I had a little anger in my voice, and said 'Ok, do what you need to do.' But I'm telling you this, not him, I may not show up because I have to give respect to DeadRelative. His family did so much for us and I can't turn my back..."
"Ok..."
"He told me to change the date. Like that is so easy to do. I told him that I'd been looking for a long time, at many different venues but they were all booked. He kept asking to look again. I'm the one planning everything, I'm the one paying for everything and he can't be flexible on this one thing? It's already costing $10K. I'm trying to stay out of conflict as much as possible though... if they want to do it on that date, well it'll be fine, but your/our side of the family probably will be sparse."
"Oh, ok... well did you ask if they could change the date to the following day or maybe three days after?"
"Yes, like I said before... Day after wedding is unacceptable to Groom's mom because it's not tradition. She started getting very excited in the background and talking loudly. Two days after is unacceptable because people are flying in from all over the country and they can't stay 'that many days after'. Just one more day? Seriously? And have they already bought their train/plane tickets? This early in advance? I doubt it. But I didn't want to go into contention and ask, so I didn't say anything."
It went on and on like that. I've never seen my dad so worked up about something that wasn't geared towards me and my numerous offences... it was weird. I felt like he was yelling at me, though I know he was not.
Anyway, as I was talking, Groom's phone started buzzing and I intuitively knew it was Groom's parents. I tried to get Groom's attention, but he was otherwise occupied, doing dudely things like watching TV, playing video games, etc. He couldn't hear me.
I finally got off the phone with my parents and told Groom about all the drama. He agreed that his parents were being inflexible and would call them the following morning (today.)
Fell asleep with a headache and a stomach ache.
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